We stood at the picture window, mindlessly awed and mesmerized by the wind, rain, hail, tree branches and anything loose swirling and flying sideways, straight-line winds at 60 miles an hour. Tree limbs smashed on our roof, terrifying the dogs, poking holes in the roof, and ripping off a screen door. Still we stood there, amazed, enthralled, hypnotized…
Our common senses stunned…Not taking cover in the basement.
We’re smarter than that. Usually.
Since then, I’ve been searching for the answer to the lack of concern we had for those 20 minutes of wild weather that could have easily sent a tree right through the window we stood by, watching. Finding the answer is an important quest. If I’m out hiking and see a wild boar, I want a better reaction from us.
I think I have come up with a clue, at least a smidgen of insight into our action—or lack thereof: It’s the cloud that has hung over my wife and me for sometime now–refusing to move on–causing chaos in our lives and disrupting our equilibrium. Namely: the biopsies, the operations for cancer, the treatment, the rotator cuff surgery, all assaulting her body, robbing her strength…and overloading mine. The mental stress to both of us, given this is her fourth cancer. The doctor appointments, the medical bills, and then learning one of our daughters will be facing surgery as well. All in the season of preparing for family visits.
Then there’s the shit that life normally tosses out—usually not so close in time and, in this case, way more than “in threes”: At the cottage: spring clean up, the refrigerator died, ordered a new one, then the hassle of getting the refrigerator to the cottage because the delivery company’s truck is too tall to come down our road—I guess having only a semi for delivery has never been a problem for them before. Really? They drive out to a road near our lake cottage with only a refrigerator, nothing else, in the trailer of a gigantic semi. Think: waste as well as poor costumer service. So, we have to meet them at a road, nearby, and literally beg them to put it on our truck. Really?
There’s more: The lines to the septic tank plugged, requiring two visits from a plumber. The water heater died, and the furnace wouldn’t work. Battery to boat: dead. My wife’s cells phone hits the cement and cracks…
I could go on, but those are a few of the highlights, if highlights is an appropriate word when speaking of the cloud we’re stuck under.
I’ve warned family and friends to keep their distance, don’t even get within ten miles of our cloud…yet still they come. Bravely, if not foolishly.
Back to ignoring the dangerous winds: I believe that the chaos we’d been experiencing has left us shell-shocked, feeling like helpless bystanders to life’s vagaries. A constant wondering and an expecting of what’s next. So when the winds brought three huge tree branches crashing onto our roof and other bad shit stuff…
It was merely the arrival of the what’s next.
(To read about belly button gazing, scroll down to: “What Were My Chances?”